Tuesday, April 16, 2013

If Your Wife is a Caliber Woman....

As salam readers of all levels and ages,

I was strucked to write about this topic after few conversations I had with friends and families around me. I know what I think may not be the ultimate truth or ideal way of thinking but...I am sure some of us may have overlooked things and I am here to remind you that the assumption that some of us have can only become poisons in our daily lives.

Do you know that Allah created women from one of the left rib of the men? That actually answered one of the methods how to identify a man's body from a woman's. Correct?

A man is the leader of his family, his department, his tribe, his nation, his territory and the list just go on...

But what happen if a woman is better in leadership, better in partnership, better in business, better in education, better in anything else than a man?...OK...first of all ....see my grammar. I mentioned...a woman is _______ better than a man. Not aaaaalll women are better than men. Look...some women are better than men. They are more intelligent, they are brighter, more sincere, better in leadership, better in safe keeping, better in sports better in a lot of things than men. BUT....some of them may not!...and...they are not perfect!

In Malaysia for example, you see a lot of women who excel in their lives. Some of them contributed a lot to the society and build the nation towards a positive goal. They are there for a reason. Allah has chosen them to lead. For example we have Dr. Harlina Siraj, we have Raja Azura Raja Mahayuddin, we have professor Dr. Muhaya, we have Nurul Izzah -though she is from the opposition party but she drives her political territory into a better place to live...then who else...we have Ustazah Norbayah, to count the international sector we have Margaret Tatcher, Mother Theresa and to trace down to the earliest of history, we have the prophet Muhammad PBUH's daughter Fatimah r.a who have contributed to the community and ummah to the extend that we acknowledge their contribution.

Therefore highly respective men of the world especially men among the Malays...why are you questioning about your dignity when your wives are far better leaders than yourselves? Why are you saying that your wives are competing with you? Why are you saying they only want gender equality in their marriage lives? Why are you seeing them as your competitor instead of a caliber woman that Allah chose FOR you?

Do you know how much Allah loves you that He has chosen these kind of women as your wives?

People keep on thinking...why do people over the age of 40 got divorced?

The answer is...they are tired of battling. They battle with their own emotions that their partners are not up to their expectations and standards. They claimed that they have tried. They have tried their best and yet they get the same results. Let me ask you these questions? What have you tried? How do you define your best effort? What is your expectation? What is your standard?

Do we know the standard that we put is by all means related to Allah? It will only be a standard for us to hold on to ONLY if Allah allows. Should Allah not allow it to be our standard, then it shall fall as a standard that we are not entitled for. What expectations do we conceive? Expectations are goals. They are there for us to put our focus on. Why do we need to make other people's goals for us to mind? Let me rephrase...why do husbands have to create their wives' goals? Or why do wives have to create their husbands' goals? Have we look into our expectations on ourselves? If married couples concentrate in improving themselves by creating their own goals in lives or expectations in lives, they will be too busy making the best home they can ever have.

Now back to the topic!

If your wife is a caliber woman. Who should identify it first?
We are talking about a woman that you married out of love and respect. Some men have to go through hills and rivers to fight for the love of their women. What happened now? You fell out of love? Come on.... Love is not something that you trade for money. Love is something that Allah gave so that you bind it and make out the best ummah and raise great caliphs and caliphahs.

Husbands!.....when you got married, you should first identify the strengths that your wife has. When you fail to see this, you are just pressing your wife to become a person that you want her to be and not what she is. It is you who misleading your own marriage life. A leader is someone who can identify the strengths and the weaknesses of his followers. Or else, you will only put these strengths into waste and weaknesses into burdens.

YES! You may be a great leader from your school or college or universities but failing to identify your wives' strengths and weaknesses meaning you have YET to call yourselves a good leader.

Should you found out your wife's strengths, be the first to encourage her to explore her talents so that she can contribute it to your children and to the community. Sometimes Allah helped you in indentifying their strengths by them getting outside offers, promotions or recognitions. Please don't take these signs as a challenge to you. Take it as a blessing and be right there with her to support her. What usually happened is, husbands took these as a sign that one day the wives will eventually disobey and disregard them as husbands. To use her greatness to overpower him as her husband. These are merely baseless accusations and clearly pure jealousy.

Be grateful o' husbands of great women leaders...

Allah has chosen them to be leaders for a reason. Islam need women leaders as many as men leaders to drive and motivate the women community into becoming nothing but the best. To help their husbands into becoming better leaders and creating better and balance enviromental Islamic values in this world.
Can you think of an answer if Allah ask you why did you stop your wife into having a chance to contribute to the growth of the future generation?...will you be able to answer? Or are you thinking of an excuse now?

Women are the heart of the family. You kill their happiness, meaning you are killing your children's as well as YOUR happiness. If you married a good woman who protect her aurah and their dignity...take full care of her especially and you will be sure your children and your properties are in good hands.

Men! Husbands! Husbands to be!...if your wife is a caliber woman:-

1) Stand by her side
2) Support her
3) Do not outcast her
4) Listen to her heart
5) Listen to her opinion
6) Give her enough nafqa
7) Learn to be a better leader
8) Plan your life with her
9) Stop assuming
10) Stop FLIRTING!


Great women are nurtured...if they are single...they are nurtured by their parents...may Allah bless their parents...if they are married they were nurtured first by their parents and continuing that nurturing will be in the hands of their husbands.
Stop assuming them wanting to fight for their equality rights...when they become successful in their career, they just want to improve their family lifestyle so that they are able to contribute to their children things that they may never had before. As a husband, you should just guide her through her success. Be there when she brokedown whenever the outside world is mean to her...comfort her and most of all...LOVE her.

If you can't ....then go and do a check and balance on yourself.
Are you a good Moslem. Do you perform your 5 salah. Do you read the holy Quran. Do you live your life based on the Sunnah? Are you afraid of Allah? If there are still loop holes....then don't blame it on your wives. Blame it first on yourselves.

Wallahualam!

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