Thursday, July 26, 2012

Mistakes That Men Usually Do and Mess Up Their Marriage

Assalamualaikum to fellow friends and readers,

Ahlan wasahlan to Ramadhan al Mubarak and to all Moslems...I came to realize something as I was walking on my way to the office this morning. Why and how do betrayals happen in marriage lives is mostly because we sometimes do things...MINDLESSLY...

Why I said mindlessly is because when we are too anxious into doing something that can bring us to wealth for example, we tend to forget to sit back and look into another perspective, A perspective whereby how does our actions inflict to the ones we love, like in this case our spouse.

All these while, the same methods that led us into the past decision makings; Has it been successful? Has it been fruitful? Does it hurt the ones we love? Does it make us a better person? What if the failure of our lives and the lives of the people that we love are the impact of our actions?...What did we do to improvise our actions now to make our lives better?



If you love your wife, you won't do these things:-

1) Give priority to other women's life than your wife;
You are more concern in the outcome of other women's life than your own woman's (your wife and daughters and mothers and sisters). No matter how independent your wives maybe...your concern and love will only open her heart and her loyalty more towards you. Stop figuring out what will happen if the other women are hurt or sick or want to resign. Let them figure their own lives. YOU figure how to make your wife happy. Is that so much of an ask?

2) Let other women feel too comfortable and secured around you but do exactly the opposite to your wife;
You play along with other women like you play around with your wife. You show the other women the side that you should only show to your wife. make the other women feel comfortable and secured when you are around but you did exactly the opposite towards your wife when you are around. How do you explain this? ("Mengharamkan yang halal dan menghalalkan yang haram?") subhanAllah...Stop making other womn comfortable and start making your wife secured. If you were scammed in your office by female staff that you are 'sombong' or you are unapproacheable?...you are on the right track. Unless of course ...you are a public figure.

3) Trying to impress other women other than your wife on the things that you own; (not all things are from your own energy)
You show to other women that you have it all. You are able to control your wife and kids and work and friends all with just one hand. Are you sure you did all that alone? All with your energy , money, will, sweat and motivation? All by yourself?...You should impress your wife on your capability to love her endlessly, providing for the family; be a good leader to her and the children, make sure the basic needs in the house is fulfilled; be a good father, son and siblings first before you go elsewhere and try to impress people who are not significant to your akhirah.

4) Contact or respond to your female colleagues at odd hours; (other than working hours other than working matters)
Everything in lives have guidelines and that is exactly what you have to do. Draw the lines between you and your colleagues especially the opposite sex. Unless you have let syaitaan lured you into taking the opposite actions. You are responsible in the actions you made. Stop doing actions that can lead you to doing unrightful things. If you received emails or messages during odd hours and if it is not emergency wait until tomorrow or reply in a stern manner whereby you do not put any hopes or showing your interest in the other women's feeling or activities. Do you do the same to your wife when you are outstation? Do you respond to her affectionately at odd hours? Or do you just tell her don't contact me because I am sleeping early today and my handphone is charging...hmmm

5) Making business plans so that you would end up traveling and do tasks along with your female colleagues.
If your female colleague is very comfortable with your wife and family, a courtesy to ask your wife's opinion is a MUST! Nevertheless you will soon know the answer when you tell your wife. You should trust her instinct especially when she is a mother of your children. ( a gift from Allah that no one can ignore)
If your female colleague showed you that she doesn't care about your wife and family... you do not want to do anything beyond what your job task with her. She is bad news. You may not able to see it now...but this is how the rule is played.

6) Checking out other women when you are out with your family.
Men sometimes didn't realize, while they were checking out other women while out outing with wife and chilren...their wives are also checking out their husbands' loyalty. You make eye contacts or you are looking at other women with such awe in your eyes or with laughter in your eyes saying that you were so amused?...Your wife is looking at you and her heart is breaking. If you are lucky...your wife will not want to be like you and checking out other guys...but if you are unlucky you will have a wife who just keep it in her heart and hurting in silence and the consequences of hurting in silence is far greater because you have damaged her heart and only you can repair it with Allah's help. Do you want her to look other guys and see such awe in her eyes?

7) Avoiding your wife everytime both of you end up together in a room or anywhere.
Observe your action whenever your wife enters the room you are in. If you feel uncomfortable, you are the problem. You take her for granted. Although your mouth said you appreciate her, but reality is you don't. You have this thing called heart sickness. Your heart is sick and the only way to heal it is to repent to Allah and open your eyes towards the inner beauty and values of your wife. Those values that her parents have raised her and her own principles that had you attracted and decided to marry her. Sit and think of that value and the value now that you have imposed while becoming your wife...if you really hate her now...you should hate yourself first for injecting those values into her. You know what? Finding other wife...won;t solve the 'whatever' marriage problems you are having because...the problem is YOU.

8) Avoiding your wife anticipation and participation in your activities.
Sometimes when you have great ideas on how to improvise your live, your wife will be as excited as you are. She will encourage you, motivate you and also input a lot of her ideas in too. But what did you do? You cast her away when the plan is executed, you told her you want to be able to contribute to the family and you told her that she is a hurdle that you have to go through if she was around? Do you know how awfully you are at loss? Have you seen husbands and wives succeeded in doing things together? Building empires together? Making lots of money together? And you were wondering how they did it? Have you seen your wives hidden talent and capabilities? NO! Because you were busy planning your own live. You forgot that she is also your live and you are also hers. You were blinded by stupid ideas on building your own empire alone whilst having such flaws that only your wife can help you cease away. Gather her anticipation and let her participate...you will be greatful when you see the outcome.

9) Making plans for the whole family to go traveling but do not make plans to go with your wife only without the kids.
When you are married with kids...you married lillahita'ala...not because you want to have kids with your wife. Or you want to fulfill your desire with your wife. Take time to plan a romantic getaway with her. Take the initative. Refresh your love for her to show your appreciation on her energy to bear and raise your children, bear with your tantrums through out the years, do the things she has done for you and the kids. Take and make time for her. Your actions speak louder than words...

10) Betrayed your wife but you did not admit your betrayals.
A wise man once told me...everybody have secrets...but not all secrets are to be kept inside. Some secrets are best to be told and use that as a lesson for everyone. If you betrayed your wife once, keep it to yourself and repent to Allah and may Allah heard you and forgives you. But if you have betrayed your wife so many times and hurt her so much, you should at least ask her for your forgiveness in hurting her. A drop of tears from the women in your family can make you suffer in jahannam...how many tears have you let your wife, daughters or mothers cried because of you? After that repent to Allah.

Syaitaan is always there to battle us in dunya. And out of all the achievements, breaking up marriage of Moslems brothers and sisters is the GREATEST achievement of all. But remember....this battle is because Allah allows it to happen. But what humankind always forget is Allah will keep on giving you test after test to show you his love. He is giving you a chance to repent or to gain points to Jannah...but if we keep on doing the same mistakes over and over and over again...Allah is telling us that we didn't pass the last test. Take it again!...But did we realize this? What are our actions to pass His test in flying colours?

"Tepuk dada tanyalah iman.."

To all wives out there ...sabar my sisters...Allah love you a lot more than you think He is. He wants what's best for us. He wants to see us in his Jannah....lets help educate our husbands...they are humans too. It is tiring..yes...very tiring journey....but ....it is WORTH IT...is is soooo worth it...

To all husbands...it is time to stop playing...akhirah is just a distance between your point finger and your middle finger. Do you want to build a dream house in Jannah? Ask yourself that questionn first. If money has always been your focus...start focusing and investing your love to your wife and children..

 Wallahualam...

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